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Andrea

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Importante!!

Tue Aug 25, 2009, 3:10 PM

Mood: Nervous
Listening to: Daisy Chainsaw - Pink Flower
Reading: Super Mario 64 strategy guide
Watching: Music Videos
Playing: Super Mario DS
Eating: arabic pita bread
Drinking: faygo

[MOVING]

I think It's time I've moved on...

_{To a new account that is.}

Yes, I'm officially leaving this account behind and storing all the pictures that I have submitted over the past two years and starting fresh.

I feel the need to get away. Also I want to be more professional in my work. (as soon as I can figure out what my style is, and how to better master it

)

Nevertheless. I really want to get better. And I feel the only way to do that, is to start drawing with more challenge.

Unfortunately, I won't be giving out my new account through this journal. Though, I will send you the linkage via note and or IM. (so send me a note stating you want the new account damnit!)

So please, if You are an active watcher, I insist you follow me to the next account. I promise you won't regret it!!

_{_{_{and for the 'flakes'... don't even bother asking}}}

-Andrea aka MzGrace

10 Comments

D8 School Time+ WTF happened

Mon Aug 24, 2009, 4:19 AM

Mood: Nervous
Listening to: nothing
Reading: nothing
Watching: nothing
Playing: Super Mario DS
Eating: nothing
Drinking: nothing

I suppose... that I've finally decided to go to school. That is, if they let me back in.

Now that I'm 20, with 160 credits under my belt... I have to pay to get into the school that is nearest to me. I am nervous that like last year, they won't process my transcripts and won't have me up to par with the credits I'm actually supposed to make up.

All this only heightens my fear of the real-world. Having to do so much, and come by so little. My last year in california was probably the worst. I had to go from building to building, financial aid, human resources office, and two different schools just to get everything I needed done. With little to no help from anyone. It was frustrating. But I realized that this is what people have to do in order to get things done, and I'm no exception to that.

I have my fingers crossed that all goes well today. Because I don't think I could handle another let down.

All this weekend, I've been telling myself that I really have to get all this shit straightened out. And if I don't go back to that school, atleast I can still get my transcripts and go to a different one.

In some small way, I'm actually happy that I've decided to go today. I know that if I hadn't suggested it thoughtfully, I would've slept the entire day and accomplished nothing.

I'm a little worried of the cost u.u; I haven't got much money, aside from what I get on the first of the month, and I'm too scared to take out a loan. With the way things are going today, theres no way I could find/keep a job long enough to pay that loan back. I'm hoping to God that this fucking school excepts payments. Because thats the only way I can think of paying them off. Ugh, thinking about all this at them moment, is making it hard for me to want to go. Though I already set myself up... theres no point in backing down now.

_{On a different note...}

I feel like I'm losing a couple special people as friends. It may very well be my own fault.

Whether it be the lack of communication, or that of misunderstanding.

I just feel like I'm in the wrong most of the time... and I don't think it could possibly change for the best. Either that, or I'm just not worth the effort or possibly I was never really a friend to consider in the first place.

I know that I'm not a special person, and shouldn't be considered as the greatest person to know. But I feel like being lost entirely from someone's life, what ever differences there may be, would seriously hurt me. But.. I can't change what happens.

+

1 Comment

Update+ Disgustipated

Sat Aug 22, 2009, 5:04 AM

Mood: Suffering
Listening to: Deadsy - Better Than You Know
Reading: nothing
Watching: nothing
Playing: Super Mario DS
Eating: eggs
Drinking: water

NEW CHATROOM!!!

_{I have a new chatroom called #BrainTraumatic. Everyone is welcome to join. 8D}

_{_{_{hopefully this one does a little better than DisownedbyThem}}

Wherrrree to begin?

This weekend was pretty busy. My grandfather's birthday was on the 15th. And we celebrated it at his favorite bar. I've re-united with people that haven't seen me since I was about 5 years old. Not to mention these people have also watched my mother grow up. Hardly anyone has aged over the years. Especially my grand parents, who had set up the entire party. It was a quiet get together, despite the baseball game playing in the next room. My aunt and uncle from Chicago also came, and surprised my Grand-pa with the visit. All and all, I think everything went over pretty well. There was hardly a moment of stress. I think that may be because the get-together was pretty low-key Meaning, a lot of the family members who do cause problems, weren't told to come. Yeah, seems a little fucked up. But in a bar setting with alcohol being given out for free that one day... I'm sure an argument, maybe even a fist fight would have ensued.

The day before the party, my girlfriend and I went out to the City-Center of Dearborn Heights. They had a lot going on that day, A band playing at city hall, lots of people crowding the cafe's and restaurants. It was nice to finally get out and walk around. It was pretty hot, but I didn't mind too much. That day, we went to 'Dearborn Music Store' where they sell a huuuge variety of music; without having to go out to Sterling for FYE. She ended buying about 4-5 country CD's, and some 1950's memorabilia. I browsed the store for music I liked; ofcourse they had none of my favorites. Buuut, Next week we may go back so that I can order the "Daisy Chainsaw" DVD!! homg so excited!! Also, I may see if I can get that TOOL Vinyl record that includes artwork and all that goodness. I was planning on getting it for my Brother.. Unfortunately he's been getting on my nerves lately. NOT directly at me, but he has been making too much of a mess for me to keep up with, let alone the fact that him and his friends come over solely for the purpose of eating all out food. *sigh* Anyways, after that, We went to the smoke shop. Of which was occupied by a bunch of burly fat middle-aged men. XD It was pretty cool that they didn't at all hassle us for going in there, browsing the various tobacco. We must've looked pretty naive. But we were greeted well. We perused the flavored cigars. I've never seen so many shelves for cigars/cigarillos in such a tiny room. I nearly went crazy, wanting to get them all. Huge, fat, hand-rolled, Nicaraguan cigars, Cubans (ofcourse), etc etc etc. I got two big cigars, and two boxes of Earth-Nectar Cigarillos. One carton is called Moontrance (flavor: exotic fruit + bourban vanilla) and the other is called Flavours (flavor: Chianti, hazelnut + cocoa). Both are equally delicious.

Does it seem odd that I like to smoke 'old-man' cigars to anyone?

Anyways.

After that, we settled at Starbucks for a break and drank a couple of IZZEs. It was nice to get out of the heat for a little. Because I was dying, looking like a hot mess XD. After that, we went to Gamestop and bought two new games and a carrying case for my g/f's DS. We got New York Fashion for her.. XD And Spyro for me! (Which I have been playing like a mad-man all week). We left for home around 8 o' clock. Enough for some much needed rest and relaxation. Ordering some Hungry Howie's pizza, smoking a cigar, feeling like a happy mother fucker. Ahhh...

This weekend was something me and Jessica both needed. A means to get out. The house has just been.. A fucking wreck lately. And I think the fact that I have to clean everyday, and my G/F has to work her crummy job, as been bringing a lot of tension into our relation ship as of late. Its been pretty hard for us to communicate.

Considering every time we try, we just end up picking on each other either by nagging, or un-needed comments. We're both pretty mentally tired I guess. My mom has been pretty generous with us. Allowing us to stay without having to pay up the ass with bills and food. So we have a lot left over to spend on each other. Which I guess is fine. But regardless of how much we do for my mom and the house, my brother never has to pull a cent from his pocket to chip in. And that is probably the root of our frustration at the moment. Not only that, but there has been long periods of us not being able to just relax together. And I know its starting to take a toll. Because when we do finally have time to give each other attention, we're so fucking annoyed that the time is spent yelling at each other. Moving out is our best option. But when-ever its mentioned, it really breaks my moms heart. And I'd be a damn fool to choose this house over my own life, and not to mention, Jessica. I can't even begin to list the many things she has done for me since she has had moved down here from California. And I don't exactly give her a lot of credit. I'm trying to work on my patience.

One of the things learned by this relationship is that we are two very strongly opinionated people. Which also has a root in the way we argument, and the outcome of the result of arguing. I know its best to accept out differences and try to compromise. Pretty much the basis of any relationship is to communicate. And I find it that sometimes its very hard for us to do that. We have sooo many complicated views on how things should be, that it begins to wear us down, and even push us apart some times. And I really want to work on the things we can fix. Where to begin? Thats unfortunately another thing I can't wrap my hand around at the moment. But I'm almost certain that we can get through this.

Aside from the relationship aspect, other things have been brewing annoyances.

I need a job. I don't know how many times I've actually mentioned the fact I needed one. Hooo.. I dunno, maybe since 06. I seriously need to get into the fuckin' mix. I am so tired of being at home and hardly having any money. I have yet to finish school... But I can't even afford to go! My school has done nothing but fuck up my transcripts for an entire year. Meaning I wasted a year that could've been taken up preparing and actually attending college. This frustration as driven me to tears for the past week. The fact that I see my old high-school friends, MARRIED! Finishing up their second year of college... having their own cars, homes even. It burns something foul in my chest to know that I have nothing to add to the success of my life. Its getting to the point where I avoid places I know are hot-spots for old friends. I have a pretty pathetic life right now. And the fucked up thing is that I'm way to content to see much wrong with it, until now. Until I'm sitting in my living room, sweating from doing the only thing I do, pretty much every day. Clean and cook. And I know my mom is grateful for that. The reasoning why she doesn't push me to do much else.

There are stretches of periods where I literally just laze around, or sit at my computer desk, chatting, drawing, etc. Which isn't harmless. It isn't harmless if you actually have a life and go on the computer after a long day of doing something productive. Not me. I just do it because I have NOTHING else to do. I envy college students, productive members of society, and the younger generation.

There are moments when I think back in my life of all the mistakes I've made to get me up to this point. If I was 9 again, looking into the future, watching myself chine away on the desktop talking about useless crap, I'd shake my head and walk right into a fucking bus.

Its frustrating for me to realize where 'it' went wrong, and all the ways it could've been prevented. With that said, I ask myself; Is it too late? I can't even begin to answer. I don't know if its too late.

In today's society, a normal human being is expected to have everything worked out before they're thirty. Which means, right after high-school, you're supposed to know exactly what you want to do, graduate, get a job, and work your ass off. You get married, have kids.. blah blah blah American dream.

Then there are people like me, who DONT want to be like them. People who want to do what we love, and have a freedom without starting off some where flipping burgers, or having a job that requires you not to want to punch someone in the mouth for giving you lip. I think it would be so much easier, to see two sides of the spectrum; Do illegal things to get to where you want to be or hope you become famous somehow. Both having their fair shares of consequences. I bet the rest of the percentage of people in the world, who fill that statistic, are hoping for that dream. Or hoping that they don't end up in the slammer one day.

I don't know what the fuck I want to do. To be perfectly honest, I don't believe in college. I really fucking don't. At rate this bullshit economy is going, will it matter that you have a fuckin' degree when the job you have is gonna lay you off anyway?! Maybe I'm just being cynical about how I see things. And I wish I was of the few people who can just let go.

I've always had a dream of seeing myself in nothing more of what I actually wanted. But I can't tell if thats just the visionary of my imagination, a far off goal, or just a means to calm my fucking anxiety.

I know I'm not supposed to be here. Its a positive assumption that being here right now, was not supposed to happen.

I can change this? Right!?

It can't be too late to fix this shit. I don't believe in the whole 'You're life should just be nearing its settlement at the age of 30yr." Because if I seriously believed that, well then I'm just fucking screwed. Because I have only 10 years to go before my life is supposedly 'complete' socially.

I'd be going mad right now if it wasn't for my skull caging my mind.

Hopelessness. Thats all I can feel right now. Too inadequate to be a normal person, and too curious of the future to kill myself now. Thats basically whats keeping me alive; A faint possibility that I can over-come these problems I'm facing.

I want so badly to be someone. To make not only my family proud, but myself. I need to work for me. Its just so hard to know exactly what I want.

Is it wrong to think I'm better than working at fast food, or better than finishing school? That by some string of luck, I may find myself doing something that doesn't require a piece of paper stating that I'm smart enough to do something?

Maybe I'm just too old fashioned. Confused and fucking depressed all the time.

My insecurities are ruining my life. And not only that, but the relation-ship with the only person that continues to put up with me. Thats all it ever seems to be now. And it shouldn't have to be this way. I take her too much for granted. She really has done a lot to keep me going. And is probably the only one proving to me that I can throw this whole fear of failing behind me. I just need time. I have to fully get myself together, and figure out what areas need the most attention before I can set priorities. Getting to my school and fixing this transcript issues is number one right now. I have to go to school. I want my fuckin' diploma so bad. And having slip away, after the two years of non-stop work to get 160 credits. I know I can do this. Its just a matter of actually doing it.

Number Two would be finally getting a job. I have to start saving some cash. Theres so many things I need..

Number three, Driving school. I can't believe I still don't have my license. Ridiculous. I'm so behind the times I should be using a cattle prod to get my ass to do something.

Number Four, hopefully once the three above are completed, I can figure what I can do to get into college. If not.. who knows.

My long-term goal, is to get the fuck out of this place. Selfishly, I want to travel abroad. My ideal dream is to move to Ireland.
(A mexican in Ireland? No really! Go onnn.) Its an odd request, but its either that or the South of France. Typical choice. I know, I know. But I feel like I belong there.. I'm not just going because I wanna be a lame-toid tourist.

I know, that I won't go on with my life, until eveything back at home is o.k. I worry about my mom, and for my siblings. I'm afraid to lose my grandparents.

I think I'll break if they pass away. This whole family could crumble. Its hard to believe that both of my grand-parents are the reasons why I still have morals and values. They were like my parents growing up, and I don't know if I'm good enough to pass on what I've learned.

But, this could just be another means to show that its time to stop living in the comfort of their shadow. I really want to prove to everyone that I can make something of myself, and that I don't need other people to take care of me. Which I have pretty much been living this way for a while.

Argh. So many things going on in my head right now. I feel stressed. Theres no denying that I am so angry at myself. Almost disgusted. I really don't have any right to criticize people. And I know I'm guilty of telling people off about how they should act and what they need to do with their life. Then again I don't exactly approve of the people who do have everything worked out, and still go on and on about changing peoples perception of how life should be lived. Fucking contradiction. Can't seem to unwravle the hypocrisy forming in my brain. Which has turned into mush by now.

What can I do to make myself a better person?

Should I be selfish and concentrate on myself, and just forget the duties of taking care of my family?

Is school really that important, and should I try going to college too?

Can I get a job that doesn't require me to feel like a lesser-being and undermined?

I wish I had a sign to point me the way. But that would just be too damn easy now would it? I want a little challenge.. but I don't exactly mind the help.

Anyone else out there having any problems?}

8 Comments

B*TCH

Sun Aug 16, 2009, 2:39 AM

Mood: Disgust
Listening to: bitch
Reading: bitch
Watching: bitch
Playing: bitch
Eating: bitch
Drinking: bitch

Bitch.

Don't call someone a bitch.

It's offensive.

I can understand if it's being used in a means to describe someone or something. Or even if it's said bluntly.

But to call a person a ^bitch, purely to _degrade or _belittle them; suggest them to be something they're not, Is just totally fucked up.

Bitch.

5 Comments

News+Updates+Regrets+Cigarettes

Fri Aug 7, 2009, 2:50 AM

Mood: I Have To Pee
Listening to: Angelo Badalamenti - Beached
Reading: RP
Watching: the sun! e_e
Playing: nothing
Eating: shet
Drinking: Rip-It

Hello! Its me again. The one you 'watched' about a year ago, only to realize that you don't know who I am, or recall ever watching me in the first place.

Anywho.

Lets give you a little insight, in hopes that you have made the right choice in adding me to your friends/watch list.

Basic Information

_{Name: Andrea, or Gracie.
Age: 20 years old.
Birth: April 20th, 1989
Sex: Female
Occupation: Space filler, paper weight.}

Technical Shit

_{Nick-names: Punky, punk, Drea, punk-ass, Gracie, MsGrace, Bug, Cuddlez (XD)

Relationship: I have a g/f.. one year! Wooo!!

Orientation: Lesbian.

favorite color(s): black, blue, toxic green, gray.

Bands: QueenAdreena, Daisy Chainsaw, Ruby Throat, The Dogbones, Scarling, JackoffJill, Tool, Radio Dept, Bibio, J-dilla, Madlib, Talib Kwali, South Park Mexican, Lighter shade of Brown, Baby bash, Newyork Underground, The Horrorist, Devil wears Prada, Kalma, Knife-through-head, Dragonland, Dragonlord, Cradle of Filth, Tristinia, Ensiferum, Razed in Black, Zeromancer, Orgy, Deadsy, Duran Duran, April March, A girl named Ed, Adam and the Ants, Apocalyptical, Celtic Frost, Flotsam and Jetsam, Deftones, Chemical brothers, Children of Bodom, Sabaton, Exodus, Sadas, The Breeders, Smashing Pumpkins, The Seeds, Sex Pistols, ... ehh too tired to name any more. (only a fraction of what I actually listen to 8D)

Idol(s): Katie-Jane Garside, Crispin Gray, Irving Norman,

Likes: Music, writing, poems, rps, computers, customizing, etc.

Dislikes: Cleaning, waking up early, bad music, dumb people, not having money, sequels to good movies, assholes, penny-pinching, people who hate there job, being on welfare, cheap pencils and pens, not having paper, no interwebs, when firefox crashes, posers, wanna-bes, and young people. XD

Movies: Too many to type.

Drink: Screw driver (OJ mixed with Vodka), Coco-cola, rockstar, monster, Blue-Ox, Redbull, Lemonade Amp, Arizona Ice-tea, Dr. pepper, Squirt, Faygo, Hochata,

Food: Anything XD

Smoke: Yes. Djarums' are the best.

Personality: I'm an asshole.

Qualities: You tell me.

Faults: Too many.}

WATCHERS+FAVES

So I have about 200+ faves/watches, and I'm really sorry I haven't been able to get to all of you and properly thank you.

Instead, I've decided to feature ya on my journal. Saves me the trouble of ruining my browser by visiting hundreds of pages. XD

THANK YOU!!!

_{These are all the people that have faved my work, or watched me:}

:iconemburbeck89:

:iconyuziki-hime:

Again, thank you guys for continuing to fave the shit out of my gallery. Some of of you even went so far to fave more than 10 pictures in one sitting.

I commend your effort, and patience.

UPDATES

Okay. So I mentioned maybe a week or so ago that I was no longer doing the COMMISSIONS. Or atleast not for the moment.

My reason being; I don't get paid.

Yeah I know. Its pretty harsh. But I'm not some asshole that will charge you up the butt for a measly sketch. Five bucks would be my limit on sketches, and depending on the detail, coloring, and so forth, yeah I'd probably up the ante a little.

I've been getting annoyed with people that 'want' to pay me. Because initially I don't ask for money until I'm sure its an option.

Its getting to the point where I need to make a little change here and there. And I've been jipped several times out of getting paid for commissions.

I understand if you don't have the cash, and I can make an exception for that. But don't give me the benefit of the doubt!

Ugh. Its so frustrating to be told "I got the cash, and I'll be sending it to you once the commission is done." Which, is my fault for doing the commission first with out meeting the person half way.

So.. From now on; I'm only doing commissions for a selective few. And by selective I mean: Friends only. Sorry guys.

Showcase

Alright. So, I have a chatroom called #DisownedbyThem, that as of late has been looking a little empty.

Its open to public, and I'd like to see some fresh faces. I've managed to fix it up. It has no rules, other than standard dA rules. Which everyone can follow and not have to be given an insinuative to do so.

Current

So I'm fucking sick with a sore throat and achy muscles. Eek. I hate being fucking sick! WAARRBLLGARRBBLE!

Also I've been staying up later and I'm extremely tired. I spent most of my cash on energy drinks and expensive cigarettes. Which I can't smoke now!

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!

I have some ideas floating around in my head, art wise.

I really want to do a new look for "Derik" one of my rp characters.

Just, a totally random look... because I feel his current doesn't at all do him justice. What do you think?

ALSO! For those of you who have not responded to my comments, journals, deviations, etc. TAKE ME OFF YOUR FRIEND/WATCH LIST Seriously. Its really annoying that I don't know half of the hundred that watch me. XD

At least respond to this journal, copy and paste the little "About me-info" questionnaire, so I know a something about you, and won't feel so angry that you continuously ignore me! >:U

I'm not needy.. I just hate people who can't even remember why they've added me in the first place. GAWL!!